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  • Aug. 19th, 2007 at 11:47 PM
Character: Takashi Kamiyama
Series: Cromartie High School
Character Age: 16
Canon: Throughout history, there are certain people who make the world a decidedly better place than it was before they made their mark on society. Takashi Kamiyama, an honors student and all-around insufferable do-gooder, distinctly wishes he were one of those people. To this effect, when he ended up at Cromartie High School, a school where the student body is comprised entirely of some of the worst delinquents in Japan (not to mention a robot, a musclebound man who never speaks and bears a suspicious resemblance to a certain classic rock frontman, and an actual gorilla), he soon vowed to make the school a better place for all and to generally work to turn the students into functional, productive members of society.

Unfortunately, these noble intentions are somewhat mired by the fact that Kamiyama himself really isn’t the type of person who could truly spearhead any sort of revolution whatsoever; he’s prone to completely inane tangents regarding morals and ethics, is incredibly gullible, gets easily distracted, is the very definition of the word ‘uncool,’ and is mostly just a massive dork in general who has absolutely no street smarts and very little in the way of common sense. Still, he’s an idealistic and well-meaning dork and though he may let some of the worse habits of his classmates rub off on him at times, he always sticks to his guns. It’s just unfortunate that said guns misfire more often than not.

Sample Post:

Attention, fellow campers! Now, I just got here and admittedly I'm not sure what the usual procedure for American summer camps are, but this? This certainly can't be right! So if you'd all just stop what you're doing for a moment and listen to what I have to say, I think we can make this camp a better place for everyone. ... yes, that goes for you guys in the corner who are... my god, are you eating each other? While I'm not the type to look down upon the... uh, interests and hobbies of others or anything, that sort of thing should be done in the privacy of your own cabin! I mean, there are CHILDREN present here, for god’s sake!

Now, listen. I understand the pressures of summer camp; a whole summer away from the positive, calming influence of your dear, loving parents? That's enough to drive any hot-blooded teenager crazy! But this... this anarchy isn't what summer camp is supposed to be about at all! Where are the s'mores, where are the campfires that aren't causing property damage, where are the exciting, not to mention educational, trust exercises? I mean, I’ve never been to an American summer camp before now... really, I’ve never been to America itself before now either... but that’s what they’re supposed to be all about, right? Even your campfire songs are all wrong! “If you’re a member of the ravenous hordes of the undead and you know it, consume the flesh of the innocent?” That's not uplifting at all! Why, that doesn't even have a catchy ring to it!

But thankfully, I've got a solution! What this camp needs are people who can set an upright moral standard, people who can inspire and educate, and that's where the Camp F. You Die Camper Rehabilitation Corps comes in! Naturally, I will be the chairman. As for my right-hand man? Well, I’ve already found the perfect candidate. Campers, I would like to introduce to you my trusted comrade, First Executive Brigadier Lieutenant Quackers! Naturally, with that many titles he’s truly a second-in-command to be treated with respect and reverence, right?

... a duck? Well, of course he's a duck, I know that! But I assure you, there has never been a duck that has burned with as much fighting spirit and fiery passion as Lt. Quackers here! ... well yes, okay, he more or less just literally breathes fire, but that’s got to count for something! Besides, I have experience working with animals; you should see the guys at my high school!

... uh. Well, see, that was a joke, get it? Because... because teenagers can kind of be like animals at times, and – hey, ow! Don’t throw things at me, this is exactly what I’m talking about! ... Lt. Quackers? I think maybe we should take “archery” off the list of possible fun, team-building camp activities to pursue for right now. Or… anything with any sharp objects at all. Actually, let’s just scratch anything involving anything that could be used as a weapon, which leaves us with...

... so guys, you know what’s really fun and will surely lift your souls and bring joy to your hearts? Macaroni art. Let’s get started, huh?

((Voting went here. 98% what the FUCK.))


Looking down the barrel of a gun
Takashi Kamiyama

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